My Cheerios pedi (no polish)...

"Cheerios pedicure*?" you ask. I swear by it, absolutely. Allow me to enlighten you...

My family should buy stock in General Mills. We consume approximately one 280g box every week. I should point out, however, that the mouth-to-floor ratio is about 5:10. NBD, because I have invented "The Cheerios pedicure"! The amount of Cheerios that fall to the ground are usually scattered throughout the kitchen (the boys like throwing them - and before you judge, yes, after three children, I have learned to pick my battles). I could sweep up the discards immediately, but if I wait even 5 minutes, I have an organically-"grown" foot sloughing mixture right at the tips of my toes! Gross? Maybe. But, if you think that's gross, my guess is that you don't have three young boys in your midst 24/7.
I basically clean up the kitchen/clear the table/empty the dishwasher as per usual, get the Dyson out and vacuum the mess, and head outside for one minute and run through the grass barefoot to clean my feet off. My feet feel divine afterwards...no kidding! Or maybe it's just me feeling better after infusing some silliness into my day. Either way - I feel great! Give it a shot - you won't be disappointed!


*Will not work if you have pets that eat floor scraps.

Vision boards, the universe, and believing in yourself...

So, I have this idea. Well, truth be told, I've had this idea for a while now, but only recently put the wheels into motion. Three weeks, to be exact. The exciting thing is, that I am going to be pitching the idea to some of the folks that can make it happen this coming weekend! More on that later, though*.

I've never been one to formulate a "vision board". I've heard they're great, and can help you keep your eye on the prize. I admire those of you with the focus to create these little masterpieces...I frankly, just don't have the time. I also think my husband would tease me to no end for hanging one of them in our home. Anyhow, every day, I've been thinking about my idea, and how I can bring it forward, how I can make it happen. I guess I would classify it as an internal vision board. I ordered the initial supplies I needed (for which I am still waiting), and formulated a plan for when they arrived. A few days after that, I happened to read of an upcoming event where I would have that opportunity to pitch my idea to a panel! I'm not expecting anything to come of this, however, the experience in itself will be invaluable! This is the first step of what I would love to do for the rest of my professional life...kind of huge, right? I am brimming with excitement at the possibilities! Unfortunately, I can't divulge too much at this stage, but I will be sure to keep you posted.

What I really want to say, without sounding too colloquial, is stay true to your dreams...stay focused, do what you can to make them happen; the universe will work with you if it's meant to be (even if it takes 3, 4, 5, or 50 tries!).

*Later = much, much later

I was paid forward!

I'd seen the movie, and during the Christmas season, I have paid for the person behind me in the Tim Horton's drive-thru. Today, however, I received the payment, and it was sublime! On its own merit, it was a beautiful thing, but considering I spent Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning in the hospital with BB2 (asthma attack), and was running on fumes, this was a marvellous thing!

Not that my faith in humanity needed restoration, but this was a reminder that the world is good. I fundamentally believe that the majority of the world's population are good citizens, but in this wild information age, it's the crazies and the idiots that seem to be front-page news. After all, who would bother to read a paper or tune into a news show that profiled good people doing good things? Everyone seems to be chasing their fifteen minutes of fame, but, consider this: who/what was the last person/thing that you learned of where all they'd done was something nice? I can only remember one. The elderly Nova Scotia couple (Allan & Violet Large) who won 11.3 million this past summer:

They took care of family first and then began delivering donations to the two pages worth of groups they had decided on, including the local fire department, churches, cemeteries, the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, hospitals in Truro and Halifax, where Violet underwent her cancer treatment, and organizations that fight cancer, Alzheimer's and diabetes. The list goes on and on. They retained about 2% for a rainy day for themselves.

So inspiring, rare, and unfortunately, forgettable. So, I propose this: in honour of the Larges, and of the woman who paid for my Starbucks order this afternoon, let's each do the same over this long weekend. If you happen to be at a coffee shop, pay for the person behind you, and if you come face to face with them, simply smile, and say, "Enjoy!" I know I certainly did!

Crazy Going Slowly Am I, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

It's inevitable. No matter your age, experience, gender, or normal disposition, when you have children, you will lose your sh*t from time to time. My most recent foray into crazy was yesterday. It was a beautiful, sunny day, so I can't even blame it on the rain (that was fallin', fallin'...). Breakfast was our usual Sunday "pincaaaaaaaakes!" (BB#2's verbiage), followed by church, and a baptismal celebration officiated by my mother-in-law. All good things. After the celebration, we headed on over to my in-laws' home and the two older boys were chasing eachother around, happy as can be. The it happened. BB#3 began crying. I fed him. Still crying, but now with real tears and a few shrieks for good measure. I try burpring him. No relief. I start crying, and the immediate release feels good. Then BB#3 starts crying harder (Reminding me that this was about him, not me), so I start crying harder, and before I know it, I'm choking out BD's name to come and help. He rushes upstairs, I pass off BB#3, and dash into the kitchen holding my head and sobbing. The release no longer feels good. I'm ashamed and feeling guilty for not being able to handle the situation.
Why is it that we, as women, as mothers, as parents, feel such an amount of guilt following an emotional breakdown/release? When I was growing up, I watched many cartoons (Disney and the like) where the female characters were always "saved" by the male. As a 'tween, my parents drilled it into my head ad nauseum that I get myself educated, get a good job, and take care of myself...never be dependant on anyone. I played by the rules and did just that. I got married, had kids, and life was/is grand. On a daily basis, however, I'm bombarded with images, magazine articles, and TV shows about how women CAN do it all. Motherhood, wife, homemaker, career-women...all with a smile on our faces, and a tight, toned body. Even my beloved Beyonce has bought into this idea with her song "Run the World (Girls)"...please observe: "Boy you know you love it how we're smart enough to make these millions/Strong enough to bear the children, then get back to business". Sure it's inspiring as as hell (I've got it on my marathon training playlist, and this song helps me kick it up a notch) but herein lies the problem: When we fall short of the mark of excellence (perceived or actual), it takes its toll...big-time. We women are also uber-competitive. We measure our strengths by the weakness of other women.
What's the solution? There isn't one, but maybe we can go easy on ourselves. Love ourselves, and accept the dark moments, knowing that it will eventually lead to something better. Help out a friend in need. Don't wait for her to ask. Just do it. Embrace your emotions.

Now, get your screen to YouTube and watch that Beyonce video and get your dance on, fool! XO

That's just the way it is, some things will never change...

It's interesting that it's been so long since my last post (almost one year), yet the topic remains the same. My stepfather is officially on death row. Not the traditional kind where society locks you up and decides that you will spend your remaining __ years in jail. No, this one is much more satisfying. This death row was orchestrated by God, by Karma, by whatever larger force that guides your moral compass (assuming you have one). He was not expected to survive past January 19, 2011 (kind of an arbitrary date), but here we are, February 1, 2011, and he's still alive.

Last night, I was watching one of my favourite shows, A&E's "Intervention." I think I'm drawn to the show because I want to understand more about addiction and treatment. I'm also interested to see how families are coping with an addict, and the coping mechanisms of victims of addiction. Having an alcohol addicted father and stepfather, I am thankful on a daily basis that (a) I did not choose a life partner who is also suffering from substance abuse, and that (b) I don't abuse any substances...especially with children of my own. I grapple with whether or not this is an actual genetic disorder/disease. I believe it's a choice. The medical community has built a business around the fact that it's not a choice, but rather predisposed. All I know is that as a kid, when I would see my stepfather down 3 vodka & OJ's before work every morning, it sure as hell looked like a choice to me. Back to "Intervention." Last night featured a woman named "Jenna". She was the third of three kids, and her mother married a man when she was 4, who ended up physically, mentally, and almost sexually abusing her, her sister and brother. The older sister coped by moving out when she was 15. The brother coped by immersing himself in his paintings and moving out at 15 as well, and Jenna began abusing pot, cocaine, and then moved on to opiates, and is now addicted to heroine. After 25 years of marriage, the mother divorced the stepfather because he was having an affair. The mother attended the intervention, and Jenna looked at her and said, "Thanks for taking the time to write the letter, but you have no right..." The mother was heartbroken. I agree with Jenna's stance, though. The mother has absolutely no say, no right, nothing. It infuriates me that, especially as a mother myself, that you would let a complete stranger into your house (ok, a bit dramatic, I know), and allow him/her to mistreat your children and to merely go along with it. Aren't these stupid cows aware that their children will one day grow up?? Not forgive them? Keep them at arm's length? Battle with knowing that their mother/father put their new spouse ahead of the well-being of their own flesh and blood?

As I said, my stepfather is dying. I do feel bad for my mother because I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be watching the man I love dying right before my eyes. I've told her exactly that, but said that he has done this to himself. She cried and said he's in pain and has to have surgery to drain his abdomen, but may bleed to death as a result of this surgery because his platelets are very low. I always reply with a cool, "That's unfortunate." In the late fall, my mother said that she thought things were all "fixed" between me and my stepfather because we hugged last summer and seemed like we were getting along. I told her that yes, we did hug, but that all of my anger had returned, and I couldn't believe that he had mistreated me so for so so long. She answered by saying that maybe I would find it in my heart, but hopefully it wouldn't be too late (i.e. he'd be dead) to forgive him. To that I say - to myself, "Give me an effing break."

Everyone that he mistreated in his life (his own children, my mother, friends, siblings) seemed to have forgiven him and are now rallying with him during these final few months. I have completely removed myself from the situation, and not offered any condolences or sympathies. I'm a good Catholic girl, though. Isn't one of the major tenets of catholicism to forgive? I really don't want to. I believe that once he's dead, a very painful part of my life will be over...for good. I get mad and confused when I observe everyone else putting him on a pedestal. Why are they doing this? Because he's dying?? If he wasn't dying, would they care? I have gone the other way where I care less because he is dying.

In closing, as his impending death comes closer and closer, my internal sense of freedom and relief grows exponentially. Me from the ages of 12 through to now are ready to exhale a giant, long-overdue sigh of relief, and any tears shed are for the self that survived despite the cesspool of shit that surrounded me for so long.

Protective Mom first, Dutiful Daughter second...

Although I've been a Mom for well over two years now, I feel like a hard-core Mom today. That primal 'protect your babies' instinct was in full effect, and I must say, it felt pretty damned good.
The situation was that my mother may or may not be coming to mind the boys for a period of time this spring while Baby Daddy and I go on a much-needed US ONLY trip. Two weeks ago, my Mum excitedly told me that my stepfather would be coming with her and that he could help cut some trees down on our property and help with the boys. As a side-note, my stepfather and I have had a very rocky past. I was a typical teenage girl, but he was both emotionally and physically abusive towards me from the ages of 12 through to 17 (when I moved out and took refuge with my then-best friend and her family). He was also a raging alcoholic and was raised in a house where physical abuse was the norm. I truly believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and along with that, I have never let my past define me. In my 20s, I confronted him and told him I'd forgiven him for his actions towards me, and I've been cordial with him since. Five years ago, there was another incident where I'd visited my Mum and slept at her home one evening, only to wake in the middle of the night to find my stepfather stroking my face and saying he was just enjoying watching me sleep. I then refused to ever sleep there again, and then realized that he had not changed at all. Since then, all of the alcohol has taken its toll on his body. Less than 1% of his liver is functional, his mid-section is completely distended and he is on a strict diet to ensure he doesn't die. He has told my Mum that he feels bad about how he treated me and wanted to be very involved in my life. Like I said, I've kept things cordial. I feel bad he's dying, but I also believe that karma can be one wicked bitch to those who are most deserving. Back to now. I have been anxiety-ridden and not sure how to tell my Mum that he's not welcome here while we are away and where he would have full, unsupervised access to my precious babies. So, I told her exactly that. I said that I was sorry if what I was about to say hurt her, but that my children come first above anything or anyone else, and that protecting them was my priority. I also told her one of my favourite Maya Angelou quotes, "Believe people when they show you who they are...the first time." I said that I did not trust that he'd changed and that I would cancel my trip should he decide to come. Mum said she "gets it" but doesn't agree because she has seen the change in him. I told her that I understood if she no longer wanted to come out, or if my feelings caused a rift between us, and that I was willing to risk that for the safety of my children. She truly did not understand why I felt this way. I tried to explain, but to no avail. Things are fine (I think) between us, but I know she's sad. Which, in turn, makes me sad.

One thing I know or sure is that if my teenage self and my 34-year-old self met, and I said that he was coming to watch the kids while I was gone, my teen self would kick my older-self's ass - big time. Seriously, though, I spent hours, days, weeks during my teenage years planning how I could escape from his house, vowing to never let him (or my Mum) have access to me as an adult or any of my children. I've read and re-read journal entries from that time period, and it is heart-breaking. To allow him that kind of access would ...well, I'm not even going to go there because I've made my wishes clear. I can hear my teen self right now cheering me on, and I am so proud!

My Year in words...

I can't believe 2009 is already over. Actually, I can't believe that the first decade of the millennium is over. It seems like just yesterday I was in my early 20s, single, fresh out of university, and wondering where I'd be in 10 years' time. The interesting thing is that I'm exactly where I thought I'd be. I have my incredibly sexy, amazing, kind, respectful husband, and my beautiful boys. I have the two best friends anyone could ask for, a nice home, a job, and a loving extended family. Despite any hardships that have happened over the past decade, life is pretty effing good!

The arrival of BB2 was by far THE moment of 2009 for us. I was so worried that I would be causing BB1's world to collapse...I mean, he was the center of our universe, the focus of all our love and attention...but as one of my best friends said, "You're not taking anything away from him. In fact, you're giving him the best gift ever; a best friend for life." So true. The two boys are completely aware and in awe of one another. One is always searching for the other, either in sight, or verbally. My hope remains that they are best friends. With BB2's arrival came a huge shift in our family. Just when I was into a secure routine with BB1, it all got shot to shit on August 23, 2009. Anyone out there with 2+ kids knows what I'm talking about. Just as one was falling asleep, the other would wake. I have two kids in diapers, and an endless dirty laundry hamper. Some days I have woken up and literally not known how to get the day started and would just sit with my babies and wonder how to get moving. Apparently my reactions have been quite normal. I can see that now that I'm on the other side of the 3-month hump. I have learned to embrace the chaos, and have learned the most valuable parenting lesson ever: First and foremost, kids need your love...always. Kids don't care if the dishwasher is empty. The fact that your bed is or isn't made every morning won't get them into an Ivy-League school. Their future happiness does not hinge on whether or not their Lego blocks are cleaned up and organized every night after they've gone to sleep.

Our NYE was, again, perfect. Lobster, steak, wine, peanut M&Ms, movies, and most importantly, each other. I thank my lucky stars that I am so blessed to be part of this incredible family unit. I could not have wished myself anything better.

Finally, my resolutions for 2010...pretty simple. I will work on being a better listener.

In closing, I wish you the best year that you've ever had.

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Sugar and spice and everything nice...

It's now a mere 26 days until BK2's due date. Considering it's only friends (and a few select family members) who read 'My e-Soapbox', I feel that I can be open with you and trust that you'll allow BD and I to share our news of BK2's gender ourselves.

That being said, BB1 is going to have a BB2! The new little one is healthy, and an active little bugger. We're both over the moon and I certainly wouldn't change anything.

I've always dreamt of having 3 children. In fact, a psychic once told me that I would have two boys and one girl (she revealed this when I was pregnant with BB1). I'm getting older, and my body is physically drained from all the pregnancies (in the past 4 years I've been pregnant at least once each year). I really think that this may be it for us. A wise friend did share with me that making that decision at 36.5 weeks gestation probably isn't wise - thanks, Lisa! Anyhow, am I okay with only boys? With only two children? I've long had dreams in my mind of having a daughter. Of her and I being close, shopping together, and even the inevitable drifting apart phase during the teen years. Then there's the coming together afterwards, the close bond, the friendship...But wait. None of that is guaranteed. One tidbit of info consistent across the Mommy-board is that you will always have more in common with one child than another...that's natural. Just because you have a daughter, doesn't mean it's going to be sugar and spice and everything nice, right? And who's to say that a mother can't have that same bond, that same close relationship/friendship with her son(s)?

Additionally, say BD and I tried for a third for the sake of a potentially having a girl, what would happen if we had another boy? Keep trying again? I can say right now, from my heart, that if we were to try for a third, it's because we want another child, and we would be happy with whatever we were lucky enough to create together.

Here are two of my favourite quotes on sons:

"We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. " ~Gloria Steinem

"You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes." ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

In closing, I still can't stress enough how happy and blessed we feel/are. Two boys! It's going to be an adventure, a wild ride, and we truly feel our family is complete. Plus, I won't have to share my tiara ;)

Tragic Endings, New Beginnings, and Hangovers...

It is indeed the end of an era. Regardless of how you felt about Michael Jackson, there is no denying the man was a virtuoso. When I first learned about his death last Thursday, I simply thought, "Ok, I guess this is just another one of life's 'where were you when' moments," and moved on from there. After a couple of days of retrospective, however, I believe that the entertainment world has truly lost one of the greats. The man was a genius, and as it usually works with genius types, all of their eggs tend to be in one basket. For MJ, he was an amazing performer/musician. His true self/weird self really only came out into the public eye in the 90's. I don't believe that he molested any children, but I do believe that he was eccentric enough to believe that spending time with young kids would somehow help preserve his own youth through osmosis. I also believe that the MJ that everyone used to love died a long, long time ago. I feel terribly for his family, and especially for his children. I never had the good fortune to see him for a live performance, but as a little girl I certainly danced and sang the hell out of his songs. Yesterday me and BB1 (and BK2 by default) spent a solid hour dancing around the main floor of our home to every MJ hit from 'ABC-123' through to 'Scream' as our personal tribute (Goes w/o saying, but BD was out all morning, which is the only way I was actually able to blast Michael Jackson tunes). As previously stated, we've lost one of the biggest entertainers in history - hopefully he'll now find the peace that was constantly eluding him.

So, I'm kind of in crunch time now. In 7 weeks, BK2 will be making his/her appearance. I honestly don't know where the time went. I'm mildly freaked out and stoked. I've been so focused on BB1, that I never really had time to think about being pregnant or the implications thereof. So, yeah...another human will be joining our fam...and soon! I'm super excited, and much more confident this time around, but also wondering how I could possibly have enough love in me to love another person? Most of my friends have 2+ children and say that the only people who wonder that are those with only one kid. Fair enough. Growing up an only child, I never had to share my Mum's attention (or my grandparents' for that matter), or share toys, or anything really. This is going to be a completely different dynamic. I am psyched.

BD and I went to a movie this afternoon. I'd already seen 'The Hangover" but couldn't wait to see it again. Initially, I didn't even want to see it the first time simply because I thought it would be humour a-la-Superbad, which I thought was - ahem - super bad. Going in with low expectations made the movie the funniest fucking thing I've seen in a long time. Go see it; you won't be disappointed. Or maybe you will be. That would suck.

The Only Unsinkable Ship Is...

The past few days I've been run ragged. Pair that with the typical 3rd trimester lovelies, and that's pretty much where I'm at today. Correction; That's where I was today. On my way home from work, I stopped, as I always do, to pick up the mail. Flyers, bills, junk mail, and...gasp! What's this? A hand-written, cardstock envelope addressed to me! When I got home and opened it, I was moved to tears. 

My BFF, sent me an amazing card with the most beautiful message contained within...and the card was sent just to let me know she's thinking of me. It should be noted that we've been trying to get ahold of one another for weeks and weeks - with no success. We've been friends for about 16 years now, seen each other through pretty much everything from pets dying (poor Max and Sparky) to our own weddings...we've fought, gotten over it; made up dance routines to bad music (John Mellencamp song at Senior Auction, anyone?!), and would always raid one another's closets (one of the best perks about being the same size!!). 

Is any of this unique? Hardly...women the world over have close friendships that last a lifetime. There still remains a uniqueness, however, which lies in the unmatched bond experienced by each woman in her individual friendship. True friendship truly is a gift. I can count on one hand  my true friends...the people that are there for me on a moment's notice, and I them. For that, I am forever blessed.

To close, I'm going to "steal" the poem from the card that I got today, and dedicate right back to A.McC...and also send it to A.B, L.S., J.S., and K.R.:

This is What I See When I Look At You...

I see a remarkable woman

with a kind heart

who is beautiful in every sense

of the word...

When I look at you...

I see a smile that lights up

the room

and laughter that is truly contagious

I see strength and wisdom

beyone anything I have ever known

I see love - pure and true

compassion and thoughtfulness

I see a woman who walks

through this world with gentleness

and grace

I admire you for all that you are

and for all that you do

You are everything wonderful

in this world

and if I had just one wish it would be

that you could see what I see

when I look at you.

Thanks for being amazing A.McC!! Love you!

Actually, I don't remember asking for your opinion...

I'm now in week 25 of my pregnancy, and things are still going well (Yay! One more week until I'm home-free in my own mind...); So well, in fact, that I'm still running. With BB1, I did nothing. No exaggeration. Zip. I sat on my ass and ate, and read, and slept and worked. No exercise. Why I'm still surprised at my 50+ lb. weight gain, I'll never understand. This time around, I figured that pregnancy doesn't have to be a time where you hibernate and do nothing physical (especially for those of us who lead quite active lifestyles). I've been running since week 13, and am really enjoying myself. Sure, I get the odd stare, but don't think too much of it. Until last week.

I was running on one of the trails near our home when I was approached two 50-something-year-old women. One of them eyed me tip to toe, and said to the other (in a loud disgusted tone), "That's just SICK." I've been stewing over this for almost one week. Still running regularly, but stewing nonetheless. Trying to figure out the perfect comeback. Here's what I've come up with:

1. "Fuck you."

2. "You're sick. Go lose some weight, fatty."

3. "My Obstetrician has no issues with my running, so save your Google MD for someone else."

4. "Jealous?"

5. "Fuck you."

These "concerned citizens" need to mind their own beeswax. I'm participating in an upcoming 5K in 12 days. If you happen to be a spectator (at this 5K, or anywhere else), be nice. If you don't have anything nice to say, zip it. To anyone who is pregnant and still running...you go, mama!! Listen to your bod, and do what feels good.

The Birds and the Bees have gotten v. complicated...

I was warned. Emphatically warned, in fact. Lindsay, my amazing hair stylist laid it all out for me last Saturday. Her warnings only intrigued me. I mean, how much could "the talk" have really changed since I was a tween? I queued up last Thursday's Oprah, and got my answer within the first 2 minutes of the show.

"So, have you all talked to your kids about sex? How about oral sex? How about masturbation and vibrators?" 

PARDON???

The collective jaw of the audience dropped. Apparently, no talk is too early - but it still can be age-appropriate. Dr. Laura Berman was on the show that day, and she offered very sage, intelligent advise to parents. This particular posting isn't going to be a regurgitation of the advice she offered, but more, I guess about digesting the "new" information presented.

There was a panel of 14-15 year-old girls on the show talking about what they knew, or knew of. Apparently, oral sex is prevalent in the junior high set. It's viewed as no big deal, the "new" goodbye kiss, and girls think it's ok to do because you can't get pregnant. Are you familiar with rainbow parties? Go Google it, and come back. I'll wait...Crazy, no? I think about when I was in junior high/high school. What if some of the guys had presented it to a group of us as a fun thing to do? I can tell you right now, we would have laughed at their sorry asses. I can only speak to the experiences of my peers/girls in my close circle of friends. Maybe we were prudes, or maybe we're just super old now, and the times have drastically changed. I do know that oral sex, rainbow parties and sexting would not have been options. Sure there were always one or two school sluts that probably would have happily obliged, but for those things to be mainstream, non-intimate acts performed solely on guys in hopes that he'll like you afterwards? No chance. 

What happens to our self-assured, boldly confident 8 and 9 year-old daughters when they hit their teens? Why do they suddenly abandon their self-worth and self respect? Has it always been like this? Maybe my girlfriends were the exception. I mean, if someone's boyfriend, or a guy made an inappropriate comment/started spreading a rumour about one of us, that poor guy wouldn't know what hit him. He would be confronted by the entire group, in the hallway, and ripped to shreds before we'd all walk off laughing. There was a study done recently by Dove, and it identified that girls with low self-esteem participate in harmful and destructive behaviours including eating disorders, cutting themselves, bullying, smoking, drinking, and various "activities" with boys. What I find sad about this is that these girls are not comfortable talking to their mothers, aren't finding solace in their female friendships, and essentially can only deal by either hurting themselves or others. With the exception of the cutting example, our group of friends has dealt, at one time or another, with the various behaviours listed. We all loved each other enough to be able to say, "Hey what's up? Why are you doing this to yourself?" We girls looked out for one another, and still do. Why the younger set are abandoning one another to get the guy...sigh...I don't get it. 

Whether raising a boy or a girl, you've got your work cut out for you. Mistakes are always made along the way, but if nothing else, knowledge is always power. Let's band together and do our best to raise a new generation of confident, smart, knowledgeable, well-adjusted, and caring kids who will hopefully do the same.

C'mon; You know you love these...

60 Things You Possibly Didn’t Know About Me [But Now You Do]

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? A car seat and reusable grocery bags.

2. When was the last time you threw up?Ummm... March 20, 2009. I love being pregnant. I love being pregnant. I love being pregnant. Nope - still don't believe it.

3. What's your favorite curse word? Jesus-Christ-Shit-Motherfucker (saved for special occasions only).

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Angus, Elayne, Crystal

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?Brewing tea and checking my work e-mail.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Trying to get my Supervisor to agree with a decision I'd made.

7. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes

8. What is the last thing you said aloud? Are you fucking kidding me? Keep me posted!

9. When is your birthday?02-09

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Rainbow Sherbet (I consider it ice-cream)

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water
12. What are you wearing right now? Black turtleneck, khakis, red pennyloafers

13. What is the last thing you ate? Salmon with a side of mushroom barley

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No...Lent is over in less than 2 weeks, though :)

15. When was the last time you ran? Tuesday, March 31, 2009.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? NCAA Michigan win.

17. What's the last sport you played? Ulti

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace? Considering I have no MySpace account...no one!

19. Ever go camping? Yes.

20.Do you have a tan?No. I look like mashed potatoes. But summer's almost here :)

21.Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? Poop?

22.What is your guilty pleasure? People.com, gofugyourself.com, chews sour gum, Britney Spears, Easter Cream Eggs, regular Pepsi

23.Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?:) Yup

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Yep...it's all about protecting my teeth!

27. What are you doing tomorrow? Work, run, go to the park with Angus, window shop on-line, sleep :)

28. Where is your mom right now? At work, getting ready to get her summer car out of storage and getting her hair 'did.

29. Look to your left, what do you see? A policy contract with a client that I really don't enjoy working with, a picture of me and Ryan on our CB bike trip, picture of Angus, picture of Marley.

30. What color is your watch?Silver w/ a brown face.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Corey & Amanda, bitches!!

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Yep.

33. What is your birthstone? Amethyst

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through? Drive-thru

35. What is your favorite number?13

36. Do you have a dog? Yes

37. Last person you talked to on the phone? Ryan

38. Have you met anyone famous? Rob Schneider, Curtis Joseph, Bono touched my hand...so, close enough!

39. Any plans today? I'm busy working - can't you tell?!

40. How many provinces have you lived in? 3: NL, ON, NS - spent enough time in QC throughout my life to count as #4, but I won't.

41. Ever go to university? Carleton, Class of '99. Go Ravens!!

42. Where are you right now? At the office *sigh*

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? The fact that I'm not on tour with my #1 best-selling novel.

44. Last song listened to? "Swagga' Like Us" - T.I., L'il Wayne, Kanye West, and Jay-Z

46. Are you allergic to anything? Penicillin (although, I think I'm growing out of it)

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? My black Steve Madden 4-inch heels

48. Taste in your mouth right now? Water

49. Are you jealous of anyone? Nope...

50. Is anyone jealous of you? I seriously doubt it.

51. Do you love anyone? Yes. Very much.

52. Do any of your friends have children? Yes.

53. Do you eat healthy? I try to...but fail quite often.

54. What do you usually do during the day? Work.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? No.

58. Do you own any big sunglasses? Yes.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? No.

60. How did you get one of your scars?Camping in Colorado when I was 11, I tripped over a jagged tree stump and skinned my ankle. Damn scar is still there.

...The sweetest melody is the one we haven't heard.

Indeed it is...and this album is nothing like we've ever heard. I've been waiting for this day for more than four years. "No Line on the Horizon" dropped today, and B-D bought and burned me the CD from iTunes this morning before I left for work (I gave up non-essential shopping for Lent, and wasn't sure how I was going to get the music...so muchas gracias, te amo!!). I've listened to the album 5 times already, and each time it gets better. I'm going to generalize by saying that if you didn't like "Zooropa" you probably won't like "NLOTH". The album is largely experimental, and inventive. As a music fan, there's nothing more boring to me than an album that has the exact same sound as the one before (or the one before that). In listening to any of the 11 tracks, it's very apparent that it's U2...Edge's guitar is so distinct...Bono's voice is still damn sexy...and Clayton's bass continues to be to U2 what flour is to any delicious cookie recipe: necessary, and wouldn't be right without it. There are some distinct differences, however. A huge surprise is Larry Mullen's presence on each track. His abilities on the drums are phenomenal, but they've managed to kind of blend or get lost in the background in previous albums. In "NLOTH" he's in the driver's seat. I never thought I'd say that he outplays Edge, but it's true. Right after Bono, Mullen makes this album. Right now, my favourite track on the album is a toss-up between "Magnificent" (I've been doing the oh-so-subtle 'desk-dance' all morning to this track...you know bobbing head, white man's overbite, shoulders shrugging), "I'll go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" and "Unknown Caller". They're all very different songs, but each are so raw with emotion both musically and lyrically. Is this my favourite U2 album? As far as I'm concerned, no album will ever touch "Achtung Baby", U2 or not. "NLOTH" is an amazing, challenging, beautiful album. Definitely the best one I've heard in a while. Bono is quoted in an interview as saying, "If we're going to make an album, it's very important to us that every song on the album is a "10." I think the reason people aren't buying albums is a lot of times they only get one or two good songs. For us, every song had to be extraordinary, and special, and unique, and the whole had to be better than the sum of its parts. You'll have to decide if we achieved that, but that's what we were attempting."

Mission accomplished boys! Now go get your own copy...legally.

You down wit' CBC? Yeah, you know me...

CBC, how can I explain it? I'll take you frame by frame it, to have y'all jumpin', shall we singin' it.. 

I'll admit it. I used to be a hater. Anything that looked remotely like a Canadian production (music was the one exception) was automatically written off as crap. Where certain nights were reserved by default for certain shows (i.e. Wednesday nights for 90210 and P.O.F., and Thursday nights for Friends and Survivor), time was never blocked off for, say, Corner Gas. To that same point, I've never heard excited water cooler talk focus around the latest episodes of "Anne of Avonlea" or "Durham County". 

CBC must have fired the old boys' club and brought in some fresh minds, because as of late, my PVR records 3 shows weekly off of the CBC. The kicker? They're actually Canadian productions! 'The Hour', 'Being Erica', and 'The Week the Women Went' are three shows that have made CBC entertaining, funny and actually watchable (no it's not a real word). I'm pretty sure Strombo can turn anything he touches into gold, so no surprise with 'The Hour.' 'Being Erica' is targeting my generation, and gender. It's about a woman in her early 30s who had "such potential" in school secondary and post, and all of a sudden, she's 31-ish, single, working in a call centre and living at home (well, in the pilot, anyway), and wondering where she took a wrong turn and where the time went. 'The Week The Women Went' is actually not that great, but it's a guilty pleasure. Basically, as the title indicates, all the women in a small town are sent to a resort/spa for a week, and the men are left to handle everything. The reason this works in a small town (and I can say this because I actually did live in Smalltown, Onatrio between the ages of 12 - 17) is because most guys who grow up in a small town are hicks who are babied and have no clue on how to run a house, take care of kids full-time, or basically do anything domestic. If they do know how to do it, they play their dumb card so that they can get out of it. Interestingly, the more populated the city, the less you actually see this behaviour. Which is why, I'm assuming, both installments of this show have been filmed in small-town Canada. Anyhow, like I said, it's a guilty pleasure, and v. predictable, but also extremely entertaining. 

In closing, hats off to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation on finally breathing some new (and unexpected!) life into its programming. 

It's Not Me, It's You.

Ah, yes. The line I would have loved to have used on a few choice occasions over the course of my 33 years. Lily Allen has titled her sophomore album by that same phrase. If you're at all familiar with her debut, "Alright, Still", you already know how fitting this new title really is. In listening to the tracks, it's glaringly apparent that she has maintained her reign as 'funniest Brit pop star." The 3rd track, "Not Fair", is excellent. In a nutshell, it's a 'Dear John' to her boyfriend who measures up in every way...except for one. Ladies, we've all had one of those types in our  past - I defy you to listen to the track and not laugh your asses off. "F**k You" is a another goodbye letter...this time to G-Dubya. Love it. Give the album a listen - you won't be disappointed.

In other news, Salma Hayek has been in the hot seat for breast feeding.  She was on a UN mission to Sierra Leone, and there was a malnourished baby boy whose mother could no longer produce milk. Miss Salma started breast feeding the baby without giving it a second thought. Good for her. Would I do it? No way. I breast fed BB1 until he was almost 11 months, which is too long according to some, and not long enough according to others. I could give a rat's ass about people's opinions on my breast feeding habits/choices for my son. Similarly, the fact that Salma Hayek is still feeding her 15-month-old little girl via breast is completely her business. The fact that she directly fed someone who was not her baby, to me, is just...gross, for lack of a better word. I realize I'm in the minority in feeling this way. According to abcnews.com, millions of women passionate about the cause shared their views, many saying that the were moved to tears by Hayek's generosity. In some cultures, cross-feeding is common. What confuses me is that breast feeding is not only just a mechanism of feeding your baby, but it's also a bonding time. If women were all meant to all breast feed, we'd all be lactating 24/7. I am aware that in Sierra Leone, you can't just pop over to the local grocery store to buy formula, so cross-feeding is probably more widely practiced there. I respect the unique culture and rituals of different countries around the the world, but that doesn't mean that it's something that I would personally do.

Only three weeks, 1 day and 11 .5 hours until the new U2 disc "No Line on the Horizon" drops. Get on your boots!

Untitled.

I'm sure by now you've all learned the outcome of the Penny Boudreau case. Earlier today, she pleaded guilty to murdering her 12-year-old daughter. She claims that she did it because her boyfriend gave her an ultimatum of choosing between either him or her daughter in order to save the relationship; Ms. Boudreau opted for the guy. As a mother, actually, as a normal human being, I cannot imagine murdering your own child. As a child, your  parents, especially your mother, is the one person you can always count on, the one you trust implicitly, the one who will always be there for you. I simply cannot imagine what her daughter, Karissa, was thinking in her final moments of life as her mother had her pinned to the ground and was strangling her to death with twine. I don't think that the Court should have accepted Penny Boudreau's guilty plea. I believe that the case should have gone to trial, because she absolutely would have been found guilty of murder in the first degree. She is a poor excuse for a human being, and a woman who should never have had the privilege of motherhood. I feel an immense amount of hatred toward Penny Boudreau, both from the standpoint of a mother myself, and as a daughter. I can't imagine the amount of pain Karissa must have felt at home. I know first-hand what it feels like to be a young girl living in a home where a step-parent has made it blatantly obvious that you're not wanted. She must have felt that every day. For the boyfriend to even present the "me or your daughter" choice, is ridiculous. What's perhaps even more ridiculous is that the mother didn't kick his ass out. 

I know that everyone's situation is different, but I've said many times to B-D, that if things were ever to end between us, I would, without a doubt, fly solo until all the children were grown and out of the house. Like I said, everyone has a different experience, but for those of us who have had traumatic step-parent involvement, it's tough to imagine putting our own children in those same situations where the potential for a repeating pattern is even remotely possible. Going to bed in a home where you're not 100% accepted is absolutely heartbreaking. Hopefully for Karissa, she had that acceptance elsewhere, like with other family members or close friends and their families. Ultimately, it's there and through those support networks that you can rise above your "step"-raising.

Unfortunately, for poor Karissa, she'll never have the opportunity to overcome, to grow, to move on, to create her own life. For that, I hope Penny Boudreau lives hell on Earth for the rest of her life.

Time-Defining News...

This past Tuesday was unforgettable. It marked the inauguration of the first black president of the United States of America (and the first competent President in 2 terms), Barack Obama. Those of you who know me, know that I've been on the Obama Obandwagon for some time now...so Tuesday was a day I won't ever forget. Even BB1 (on my prompting, of course) was running around saying, "Bama, Bama, Bama" for most of Tuesday night. I will forever remember Tuesday, January 20, 2009; What I was doing (working, but watching the inauguration in a large meeting room at work), what I was wearing (black skinny pants, black and grey colour-block wrap, and knee-high flat boots overtop of my pants), and the weather (damn cold!). 

This monumental event got me thinking about all past events that have occurred in my lifetime where I can place myself, and what I was doing at the moment that they occurred. 

Caveat nit-pickers: Just because I may have left out an event that was very important or world-changing between the years of 1976 - 2009 does NOT mean I did not/do not deem it important. It simply means that I cannot place myself specifically when it happened. 

I'll start with the earliest event and work my way forward...

1. January 28, 1986, The Space Shuttle Challenger Disaster

This was my first memory of disaster. I can picture the video of the shuttle exploding vividly, but more disturbing to me, rather than that image, was that Christa McAuliffe had died. As a little girl, I remember being horrified at the fact that she had 2 kids at home - I had nightmares for weeks thinking of my own Mother's mortality. I actually still have the front page of The Ottawa Citizen from that date.

2. November 9, 1989, The Collapse of the Berlin Wall

I remember watching this with my grandparents, who are Eastern-Euro immigrants. They were speechless. I was trying to gauge how happy these people were to finally be free to pass between East and West Germany, and that their country was finally reunited...but honestly, I just didn't "get" it. Of course, I understand now, as an adult, but I remember being puzzled that the wall was allowed to go up in the first place.

3. December 6, 1989, Ecole Polytechnique Massacre

I had religion right after lunch that day. It was freezing, and snowing outside. As we took our seats in class, our normally chipper and jovial religion/music/English teacher walked in, and somberly talked to us about what had happened, and fielded ANY questions we had about it, about how we felt, and I remember her saying that we could cry about it, too. That last 10 or 20 minutes of class were spent with the lights off, and her leading us in silent prayer.

4. January 16, 1991, Operation Desert Storm

I was at home extremely sick with the flu that entire week, and I think my little 13-inch black & white television was on the entire time. I would doze in and out of sleep and wonder whether or not this conflict was even real. Considering that the Operation was successful in the expulsion of Iraqi troops from Kuwait, it was fantastic to have been able to witness (albeit, thousands of miles away, watching t.v., tucked safely into my waterbed).

5. April 8, 1994, Kurt Cobain is found dead at age 27

I had just gotten home from Track practice, and was on the phone with a friend of mine who said, "So Kurt Cobain, eh?" I had no idea what he was talking about and assumed he was talking about In Utero because he knew how much I loved the album. He went on to explain that he was found by an electrician and there was a suicide note. I was shocked. I was angry. I remember hearing that once Frances Bean was born, he went out and bought a Volvo because it was the safest car on the road. What a fucking hypocrite...why bother? I remember thinking on my 27th (many, many years after 1994) birthday that it was crazy that he was in such a dark place that the only way out was death...I was in such a different mindset. Maybe he would have been happier working 9-5  at a 3rd-party benefits administration company as a Customer Service Representative?

6. June 17, 1994, O.J. Simpson Low-Speed chase in White Bronco

A bunch of us were at a house party. We were drinking our faces off, and the music was blaring, and everyone was having a good time. Someone switched on the television, and soon after, the music died, people stopped drinking, and we were glued to the screen. We were incredulous that the Po-Po couldn't/wouldn't catch the Bronco considering it was traveling so slowly. I believe that this was the first sensationalized news story that I can remember. No the date of the verdict is not on my list. Don't remember that date at all.

7. August 31, 1997, Princess Diana dies in a Car Crash in Paris

It was the morning after my step-sister's bachelorette party. We (a bunch of girls) woke up in our hotel suite, and turned on the television, and every station was carrying the story. She had been in a car accident in the Pont d'Alumet tunnel in Paris, France, and had died hours later. The news stations kept playing that surveillance tape of her a Dodi Al-Fayed coming out of the revolving doors, and rushing into the back seat of their black Benz. It looked strange to see footage of her mere minutes before that fatal accident.

8. Tuesday, April 20, 1999, Columbine High School Massacre

This is the first of 2 stories on this list that scared me because I thought a member of family was a victim. My favourite Aunt, Uncle and cousins lived not far from where the massacre took place. I knew my older cousin was no longer in high school at that time, but I wasn't so sure about the younger one. I called my Mom and was crying asking her if Tif had been a student at that school. She said no, and then a bunch of other things that I don't remember (I think she said she had already started college)...I was just so relieved that my family wasn't affected directly. It pains me to think of how many frantic calls were placed that didn't end with cries of relief.

9. December 31, 1999, Y2K

As always, another New Year's Eve lunch bag letdown. I spent it at a party in the basement of a church (no, it wasn't a religious party...just happened to be in a church), with an ex-boyfriend I dumped soon after and a group of friends (his friends) that I no longer talk to. What's that chorus from that Prince song..."Tonight we're Gonna party like it's 1999."? Must've been the worst fucking party EVER. Maybe Prince was warning potential party go-ers not to go. If you ever get a call from me saying that "I'm partying like it's 1999"...DON'T COME OVER. THE PARTY SUCKS.

10. September 11, 2001, Bombing of the Twin Towers

This is the second of 2 stories when I thought a family member was a victim. The day started off memorably beautiful. I was up at sunrise, and went for a walk. I stopped by a Tim's on the way home, and drank my tea on a park bench admiring the Ottawa River. I got home (and no joke...) I remember thinking that the day could not get any better, and was walking around with a smile on my face. I got a cryptic call from a friend saying, "Turn on the television. Bye." So I did, and that's when I saw the footage of the first plane hit the  North Tower. I was paralyzed. Minutes later, the second plane hit the South tower. I called my Mom, crying and asking if our cousin (who was working out of one of the Towers at that time) was okay. She didn't know. Our entire family was trying to get in touch with Maria, but with no luck. My Mom came over to my place later that day and we just cried and cried. My Grandmother called saying that Maria had phoned her and was okay. She was on a golf course all day somewhere in Kentucky with clients.

10. December 26, 2004, Asian Tsunami

Rightly or wrongly, I have never been afraid of the water. When I saw video images of the waves hitting the beach, I was petrified. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I've been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to figure out what else to say about it, and cannot. 

11. January 16, 2009, Miracle on the Hudson

Everything about this story is miraculous! What are the chances of hitting a flock of Canadian Geese (I don't think it's common, but maybe I'm wrong)? What are the chances that Cpt. C.B. Sullenberger would successfully land an Airbus A320 in water? What are the chances that everyone on board would escape with their lives? The photo of everyone standing on the wings of the aircraft is unbelievable. 

If I had to define my life by way of World news, the previous 12 entries (The Obama Inauguration wasn't numbered, but would be #12) would be it. I wonder what the next 12 entries will be?

 

...Baby One More Time

First off, no, that's not me. Secondly, yes, it's applicable! Me and B-D are expecting our second baby in August 2009. To save you the rough work in your head, I'm 9 weeks along. If you know me well, you know that we have had much difficulties with past pregnancies (R.I.P. always, Harrison), but have also been enormously blessed with BB1. I'm ready and willing to share our news, even at this early stage.

We went to our first ultrasound today, and all went as well as possible. The techie took the measurements, showed us the heart, the top of Baby, the bottom and then sent us on our way. This time 'round, I've been nauseous 24 hours each day, and exhausted. Very different from the other pregnancies, but I'm honestly not complaining...well, not too much anyway. 

We're just thrilled at the prospect that our babies will be 22 months apart. I don't know any siblings that close in age who do not have close relationships as well. We will find out the baby's gender as soon as it's visible on a future ultasound...I'm far too practical to not find out. Some people think that it's spoiling a suprise - perhaps one of the few surprises that we have in this lifetime. To that, I say hogwash. It's a surprise whether you find out at 14 weeks or 40 weeks. Completely individual decision, right? 

As I mentioned, this pregnancy has been completely different than the previous 6...I will keep you posted along the way. My goal for this pregnancy (besides producing a healthy, happy baby, of course)? To not gain 50 pounds. I think that was one of the most shocking things when BB1 was born. I couldn't believe he only weighed 5 lb. 15 oz...After gaining the weight I did, I was expecting double that. 

I'm not alone with being pregnant, either. To date, my step-sister, my old roommate, 2 co-workers, and 2 friends of family are currently expecting. I actually read a headline from USA Today indicating that in 2007, there was a huge baby boom. Well, to be accurate, they called it a 'boomlet' because the last baby boom ended in the 60s. Kind of interesting.

As a side note...how amazing are all the movies in release right now?? I am dying to see them all. "Slumdog Millionaire"...go see it. Actually, read the book first. "Q&A" by Vikas Swarup. It's raw, heartbreaking, and hilarious. I also read the short story "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It's a good story...only 20 pages, so I'm not sure why the film's running time is 2 hours 47 minutes...hopefully it doesn't drag. I also read "Twighlight" over Christmas. Wow! I would have looooooved it as a young teen. I definitely want to check out the movie. Finally, you know how much I adore Mr. DiCaprio (I did almost buy a Geo Metro, you know...BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh God, did I really just pull up the Geonardo DiMetrio joke from high school?!?!), and so Revolutionary Road is top of the list for me right now.

Well, thanks for stopping by, it was great writing to you:) Hugs and kisses...