I was warned. Emphatically warned, in fact. Lindsay, my amazing hair stylist laid it all out for me last Saturday. Her warnings only intrigued me. I mean, how much could "the talk" have really changed since I was a tween? I queued up last Thursday's Oprah, and got my answer within the first 2 minutes of the show."So, have you all talked to your kids about sex? How about oral sex? How about masturbation and vibrators?"
PARDON???
The collective jaw of the audience dropped. Apparently, no talk is too early - but it still can be age-appropriate. Dr. Laura Berman was on the show that day, and she offered very sage, intelligent advise to parents. This particular posting isn't going to be a regurgitation of the advice she offered, but more, I guess about digesting the "new" information presented.
There was a panel of 14-15 year-old girls on the show talking about what they knew, or knew of. Apparently, oral sex is prevalent in the junior high set. It's viewed as no big deal, the "new" goodbye kiss, and girls think it's ok to do because you can't get pregnant. Are you familiar with rainbow parties? Go Google it, and come back. I'll wait...Crazy, no? I think about when I was in junior high/high school. What if some of the guys had presented it to a group of us as a fun thing to do? I can tell you right now, we would have laughed at their sorry asses. I can only speak to the experiences of my peers/girls in my close circle of friends. Maybe we were prudes, or maybe we're just super old now, and the times have drastically changed. I do know that oral sex, rainbow parties and sexting would not have been options. Sure there were always one or two school sluts that probably would have happily obliged, but for those things to be mainstream, non-intimate acts performed solely on guys in hopes that he'll like you afterwards? No chance.
What happens to our self-assured, boldly confident 8 and 9 year-old daughters when they hit their teens? Why do they suddenly abandon their self-worth and self respect? Has it always been like this? Maybe my girlfriends were the exception. I mean, if someone's boyfriend, or a guy made an inappropriate comment/started spreading a rumour about one of us, that poor guy wouldn't know what hit him. He would be confronted by the entire group, in the hallway, and ripped to shreds before we'd all walk off laughing. There was a study done recently by Dove, and it identified that girls with low self-esteem participate in harmful and destructive behaviours including eating disorders, cutting themselves, bullying, smoking, drinking, and various "activities" with boys. What I find sad about this is that these girls are not comfortable talking to their mothers, aren't finding solace in their female friendships, and essentially can only deal by either hurting themselves or others. With the exception of the cutting example, our group of friends has dealt, at one time or another, with the various behaviours listed. We all loved each other enough to be able to say, "Hey what's up? Why are you doing this to yourself?" We girls looked out for one another, and still do. Why the younger set are abandoning one another to get the guy...sigh...I don't get it.
Whether raising a boy or a girl, you've got your work cut out for you. Mistakes are always made along the way, but if nothing else, knowledge is always power. Let's band together and do our best to raise a new generation of confident, smart, knowledgeable, well-adjusted, and caring kids who will hopefully do the same.
