It's inevitable. No matter your age, experience, gender, or normal disposition, when you have children, you will lose your sh*t from time to time. My most recent foray into crazy was yesterday. It was a beautiful, sunny day, so I can't even blame it on the rain (that was fallin', fallin'...). Breakfast was our usual Sunday "pincaaaaaaaakes!" (BB#2's verbiage), followed by church, and a baptismal celebration officiated by my mother-in-law. All good things. After the celebration, we headed on over to my in-laws' home and the two older boys were chasing eachother around, happy as can be. The it happened. BB#3 began crying. I fed him. Still crying, but now with real tears and a few shrieks for good measure. I try burpring him. No relief. I start crying, and the immediate release feels good. Then BB#3 starts crying harder (Reminding me that this was about him, not me), so I start crying harder, and before I know it, I'm choking out BD's name to come and help. He rushes upstairs, I pass off BB#3, and dash into the kitchen holding my head and sobbing. The release no longer feels good. I'm ashamed and feeling guilty for not being able to handle the situation.
Why is it that we, as women, as mothers, as parents, feel such an amount of guilt following an emotional breakdown/release? When I was growing up, I watched many cartoons (Disney and the like) where the female characters were always "saved" by the male. As a 'tween, my parents drilled it into my head ad nauseum that I get myself educated, get a good job, and take care of myself...never be dependant on anyone. I played by the rules and did just that. I got married, had kids, and life was/is grand. On a daily basis, however, I'm bombarded with images, magazine articles, and TV shows about how women CAN do it all. Motherhood, wife, homemaker, career-women...all with a smile on our faces, and a tight, toned body. Even my beloved Beyonce has bought into this idea with her song "Run the World (Girls)"...please observe: "Boy you know you love it how we're smart enough to make these millions/Strong enough to bear the children, then get back to business". Sure it's inspiring as as hell (I've got it on my marathon training playlist, and this song helps me kick it up a notch) but herein lies the problem: When we fall short of the mark of excellence (perceived or actual), it takes its toll...big-time. We women are also uber-competitive. We measure our strengths by the weakness of other women.
What's the solution? There isn't one, but maybe we can go easy on ourselves. Love ourselves, and accept the dark moments, knowing that it will eventually lead to something better. Help out a friend in need. Don't wait for her to ask. Just do it. Embrace your emotions.
Now, get your screen to YouTube and watch that Beyonce video and get your dance on, fool! XO
