I'm in a pissy mood. I'm battling the age-old (well, maybe the ERA-old) question of whether or not to return to work after my maternity leave ends. My immediate gut reaction is to stay home. Some people dream about their wedding day...you know the type. They have their dress, invitations, napkins and registry earmarked in some super-organized Monica Gellar-Bing portfolio-thingy by the time they're 10. Well, my big childhood dream was always to stay at home and raise my babies. You may be thinking, "well, get your act together and make it happen!" Easier said than done. Not only would my family immediately become a one-salary family, but our day-to-day habits would immediately change. I am as much a product of our consumer culture as you are, dear reader. I like having the freedom of getting my hair done every 8 weeks, or buying a pair of shoes, or a great bottle of wine. But that would immediately change. Which is fine...I won't die if I can't buy "stuff". What about Baby Boy #1 (herein referred to as BB1), though? Will we not be able to afford tee-ball, soccer, portraits, clothing, et cetera? What you've just read is a sample of what's been going through my head. So, if I return to work, we can do more stuff, and BB1 is going to be able to participate in things with his friends. If I believe that last statement, I worry that underneath it all, I value stuff more than staying at home.
However, if I stay home, will I be shortchanging the family? I'm not the primary breadwinner, but I contribute a solid salary, plus benefits.
We're definitely planning to expand the fam-damily, so if I return to work, it will be for a short period of time (n.b. until I'm due to give birth to Baby #2). After B2, I'll not return to work until all babies are in school full-time.
I know many people don't even have the luxury of pondering this question, but I also know that this is much more than a "champagne problem." Do I really want a stranger to see BB1 take his first steps, say his first word(s), and so on? No way.
I read somewhere that the minute a baby is born, it's a long slow process of letting go. This must be the beginning. Sigh.
